Gambit

Hey ladies breastfeeding in public... Why don't you ever smile in my pictures?

People who are scared of paedophiles need to grow up.

Who here wants to play a game of rape? No? That's the spirit!

No + Rohypnol = Yes

I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.

Life sucks but so do some girls. So it all evens it's self out

Virgin Broadband The two main ingredients needed for a World Of Warcraft profile.

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss. "Just pop it in the corner," he said. It took me three hours.

Apparently Jesus didn't have a name until some lad saw him walking on water...

Does anybody know if the DFS sale is on this Bank Holiday?

Say what you like about max clifford, he will be missed from public life as he touched so many people

I am heavily into drug abuse . Every day I go into the local chemist and tell the anadins to f@ck off

Did Gordon Brown do the honourable thing and give Pudsey Bear his eye back. ?

My gold plated butt-plug business is being sued by Apple. Apparently they have a patent for overpriced crap for arseholes

Hey ladies breastfeeding in public... Why don't you ever smile in my pictures?

If God intended for us not to !Removed!, he would've made our arms shorter.

My daughter wanted a Cinderella party. So I invited a couple of her friends round, and made them clean the house.

When I first came to London I thought the streets were paved with gold. Turns out it was just sunlight reflecting off the pools of ****.

Stopping people from repeat offending starts with not re-electing them.

I hate when Doctors asks questions such as: "Are you sexually active?" Depends on what you mean by "active". There are plenty of "active" volcanoes that haven't gone off in over 50 years.

The woman at my Job intervew said she had 3 openings for me. "Well, that's 2 more than the missus...", I thought to myself as I started taking off my pants

"Say hello to my little friend" Great Movie Quote. Terrible bedroom talk.

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Hope everyone has a great New Year. All the best x