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Important Info for Audi and BMW drivers


Dogconker
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Hello

 

it has come to my attention that unfortunately some Audi and BMW drivers (although not limited to these) seem to misunderstand the technical aspects of other cars and operators. I would like to use this post to inform such drivers so that they are better able to understand and hopefully make better decisions.

 

when approaching a vehicle at high speed in lane 3 who is overtaking a lorry, it has become customary to flash ones lights at said car in order to achieve the goal of advising the car to move sideways or to speed up and get out of the way. Unfortunately this approach fails to allow for the technical aspects of the car being flashed at. 

 

In this explanation we will refer to the normal road user (the car overtaking the lorry in a sensible manner) as Car A and the prat in the fast approaching car as Car B.

 

When Car B flashes its lights at Car A the rearward facing TS (Tw*t sensor or rear view mirror) detects the approach of a high speed vehicle, this vehicle will already have been identified by the operator, the flash of the lights however triggers the involvement of the Neuro-network device (NND or drivers brain). Upon seeing the flashing lights the TS system advises the NND of the fast approaching car, the NND then has several options at its disposal to respond to the flashing lights of CarB.

 

1 - The mandatory response by the NND is to lock the steering options open to the driver of CarA preventing it from changing lanes, this ensures that the fast approaching CarB is unable to proceed past CarA.

 

2 - The auto brake light system may deploy, this is a system that applies a minimal braking force which is usually just sufficient to ensure CarA takes much longer than usual to pass the lorry being overtaken.

 

3 - There is also a heavy braking force this is used when the CarB starts tailgating and may often follow the use of the light braking force applied. this heavy braking force is also known as the Brake Test.

 

4 - The NND may also detect excessive aggravation from the operator of CarB and increased light flashing will significantly increase the likely hood of an automated response from the NND, this response is likely to be twofold, often involving controlled and purposeful gesticulation from the operator of CarA and an applied braking force sufficient to match the speed of the lorry being passed, this ensures the maximum application of annoyance to the operator of CarB.

 

The last option open to CarA often deployed by the NND is the automatic and rapid application of the throttle of CarA, thus opening up a large gap between CarA and CarB. this approach often results in the uncontrolled Red Face of the NND system within CarB.

 

In simplified terms, if you're one of those clearly IQ deficient drivers of such aforementioned german cars who have those flashing head lights, there are two options open to you. allow me to continue on my merry way at usual road speeds and I will courteously move over once past and allow you to proceed on your way to your next 3 points. the other way is to shake your fists, gesticulate, flash your lights and try to hound me out of the way, I'll just see this as a bit of sport how much I can wind you up and you'll be one step closer to your stress induced heart attack.

 

 

Thank you, rant over

 

 

 

 

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the police actually want these videos now and they're looking to use them to stop just this sort of driving, apparently you can call 101 and advise you have said footage, leave it on the memory card you took it on so its original untouched and it seems that can be used as evidence in some circumstances. 

 

on the flip side you'd better watch out as it you may be being watched when you're all playing out there  :rolleyes:

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This made for a very amusing read :lol:

It did but I have to agree with all of it :D

 

Wasn't suggesting you did, we'll maybe forza?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Well only when I see you near me ;)

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  • 3 months later...

Reviving an old thread. 

 

I'm doing 100 miles a day around the m25 at the moment. I actually had a audi driver hold back and drive sensibly on Thursday. I couldn't believe it. First one not to drive right up my chuff. 

 

Driving like a nobber doesn't seem to be limited to the faster models either. Diesel, 1.8L doesn't matter. Perhaps theres something wrong with the windscreen...perhaps too concave giving the impression the car in front is 100 ft away when it's only a ft away?

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