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Posted

My girlfriend keeps accusing me of being a stalker.ย 

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Well, she's not girlfriendย yet ๐Ÿ‘€

  • Like 1
Posted

I told my wife I had a car made of spaghetti.ย 

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She didn't believe me until she watched me drive pasta.

Posted

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ the first one made me laff out loud lol

Why did susan fall off the swing?

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Because she had no arms ๐Ÿ˜

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Knock knock

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Whos there?

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.... not susan ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  • Haha 1
Posted

@hawksti do you realise what you just did, you laughed at a Susan joke from@rps, you've basically just given him a reach around ๐Ÿ™ˆ

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Sent from my HTC One M9 using Tapatalk

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Posted

@mattiekaneย is only jelous @HawkSTIย cos ur my new best bud on here cos hes to buisy with his other friends now

  • Like 1
Posted

Other friends....... 14 week old you mean haha

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Sent from my HTC One M9 using Tapatalk

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Posted

@mattiekane im fed up of you pushing me to the side.if you hadnt been selfish and had a child i wouldnt feel this way now would i

Posted

@rps..... jees your like a freaking child, now go to your room!

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Sent from my HTC One M9 using Tapatalk

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Posted

Two vampire bats sitting in a cave Dave says to Brian.

"Brian I'm fooking starving fancy nipping out for a bite ?

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"Na "says Brian" its to dark out there they'll be now one about "

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"Soz Brian I'm going out cos I'm proppa Marvin " says Dave

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3 mins later Dave returns with claret all over his face ,staggering about like he's !Removed! .

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"Fook me Dave you look like you've had a couple of pints to many , where the hell did you find that at this time of night ?"

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Dave staggers over to the opening of the cave and points outside ....

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" you know the big rock over there ?

ย 

"Yeah i know the rock ffs Dave,we fly past it every day "

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Dave says "Well you see that big tree next to it ?."

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" Yeah,cause I can" says Brian

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"Well I fooking didn't "

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  • Haha 1
  • 4 months later...
Posted
On 16/07/2017 at 10:09 AM, Rps said:

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ the first one made me laff out loud lol

Why did susan fall off the swing?

ย 

Because she had no arms ๐Ÿ˜

ย 

Knock knock

ย 

Whos there?

ย 

ย 

.... not susan ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

BAHAHAHAHAHA ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Posted

[At the shopping center]

"Excuse me. I lost my son. May I please make an announcement?"

"Of course."

[Leans into mic]

"Goodbye you little sh*t."

Posted

ME: [Licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

INSTRUCTOR: Please don't lickย my lips again.

Posted

A police man stopped me in the street theย other morning at 4am and asked me โ€œWhereย do you think youโ€™reย going at this hourโ€?ย 

I replied I am going to a lecture on ย alcohol abuse and the affect it has on the human body, itโ€™s alsoย about staying out too late and smoking too muchโ€

โ€Oh yes replied the police man, and who might be giving this lecture?โ€

โ€œThat would be the wife I repliedโ€

  • Like 1
Posted

On second thoughts, maybe not the place for this joke

Loud pipes save lives

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