Time for me to have a go.
So todays choice of subject,
Supermarket dawdlers and lunch shopping.
Picture the scene, you have survived the morning of starvation and slavery and Lunch time has arrived. You decide the best plan of action is to pop to the supermarket to get something nice rather than go to the mega unhealthy and overpriced canteen and the usual plate of chips.
You pull into the carpark at the super market full of hope for the small and quick shop ahead. You walk across the carpark, pick up a basket and head for the entrance,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and bang, you get stuck behind some old codger doing 1 spm (1 step per minute). Ok fine, we all get old can wait a few extra seconds to get in. After what seems like 4 decades has been added to your life, you can finally go into second gear and over take the old dear.
Your promptly greeted by a wall of people running at you at 2000mph trying to exit 1 second before someone else, trolleys vying for the leed in what can only be described as a demolition derby. WIth cat like reflex's you dodge the onslaught and manage to get into an isle that isn't like a seen from a zombie apocalypse escape scene.
You spot what your looking for and some daft cnut, looking at which box of oxo to get from the 500 identical ones, not only that, the fact they have stopped with the trolley blocking half of the shelf. So you arrive at your destined shelf, still its blocked, you wait politly, you wait some more, still waiting, FFS pick a box already, still waiting,,,,,,,,,finaly you say 'excuse me' they ignore you, you can't possibly be talking to them, you wait even more, finally you say in a very loud voice 'excuse me, can I get to the shelf please'.
You get a meek 'o sorry' back and they finally move their trolley just enough so you can stretch so far you put your back, shoulder, arm and wrist out but you manage to get what you want.
Hazzar, time to break for the exit.
hahaha, really? you really thought that would be the end of it????????
So you hunt for an isle that isn't a scene from raw hide and make decent progress to the check outs. Being lunch, the que is about 50 deep, only 5 out of 20 checkouts on mind you, but at least your on the home stretch.
You stand patiently, first couple of people look professional and don't hang around, must be on their lunch as well'. Then you spot them, the moment your heart sinks into the point of no return from totally despair, the the 1spm brigade, they have all day to go do their shopping, but no , they pick the one time where people are gonna be in relative hurry to get in, get lunch, get back to the office. They finally get far enough forward to load items onto the conveyor at 1IPM (Item per minute)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You be the patient and polite person, wait, wait some more, go get your hair cut cos it's grown 3 foot while you have waited, then finally arrive at the checkout. Assuming the attendant isn't a complete c*ck and puts up the 'checkout is closing sign', they scan your items in 10 seconds flat, you pay in 5 seconds and bolt for the door.
By this time, round 2 of the dinner brigade are entering and the stampede is on to exit, your their fighting your way through trolleys, avoiding cosmic size crash's. And just as you arrive at the door, 'beep beep beep beep' and security holds the flow. The sudden stop of the people at the front backs up, the crash and bang of the train wreck behind signals all hope for a quick exit has gone. Of course its the trolley with the most items on it that has triggered the alarm, a trolley so full that a panamax ship couldn't even carry all of it, but security insist on checking each and every item off the list, the roll of the receipt is 5 foot long, £235 and 293 items,,,,,,,,,
But finaly a break, a true light of salvation, the other door, the original mass entry point has gone quiet. You check around you for space, there is daylight, you take off like Usaine bolt. You hurdle, one, two then three trolleys, making Aries Merritt look like an enthusiastic amature and the sunlight hits your face as you finaly reach the carpark, get to your car and get in.
As you sit, you let out a battle cry so loud they hear it back at the office, braveheart had nothing on you as you yell at the top of your voice 'Freedom!!!!'
FFS people, if you want to browse, dont go at lunch time you bunch of inconsiderate ingrates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and breath
